Confession round 3

I tend to be really mean when I don't get what I want. It makes me feel powerless and like someone is trying to control me. That has always been my "greatest fear" I guess. Attacking other people has always been my defense mechanism. I put on a false front to other people, but my family has been my punching bag for a long time.

I'm obsessive, compulsive, and somtimes suicidal.

I try to be somthing I'm not.

You know that Fall Out Boy song "The Patron Saint Of Liars And Fakes"? The title describes me to a f***ing T.

I have so many problems, but underneath it all, I am just a person trying to figure out who she is. I'm young, but feel old and tired.

-I'm only a liar, but I'm the best

Confession round 2

My mom made me write this. Time to be true to my shithole self. Bands I REALLY listen too.

Paramore
The Hush Sound
The Used
My Chemical Romance
Cobra Starship
Fall Out Boy
Panic! at the Disco
Gym Class Heroes
Cartel
Boys Like Girls
Taking Back Sunday
All-American Rejects
The Academy Is...
Saosin
The Format

What did I tell you? Pop-punk whore.

Confession

Dude. I'm. such. a. superficial. whore.

Again with "be true to yourself shit". Apparently I didn't get it the first time.

I say I like bands to sound cool. I lie to myself.

I just lie in general.

When am I going to get over this? I neeeeeeedddd to stop being a music poser.

I say I like The Beatles. I have them on my i-pod. Yet, I don't listen to them.

Same with Prince, Al Green, and Marvin Gaye. If I had an Iron Maiden CD, I wouldn't listen to it.

I'm NOT a music fanatic yet. I haven't even listened to Rancid, Jawbreaker, or Anthrax. Those are just three examples to how narrow my music knowledge is.

Can you still be a music lover if you don't particularly like Iron Maiden, Metallica, The Beatles, The Smiths, or Guns 'N Roses? HUH? CAN YOU?

I feel so freaking pissed off at myself. Music was not meant for me.

I admire music reviewers and musicians so much. Maybe I am trying to be like them too much?

Here is my confession.

I don't like heavy metal, punk, rock, R&B, or indie.

I like pop. And Pop-punk.

I am a teenie-bopper.

I HATE THIS!

Ponderings...

Life is boring. That is how I feel right now. Even though today is my birthday, today feels like nothing special. I mean, I got great stuff, and my parents were great about it, but I feel like nothing has changed. I am so tired of being young. It sucks. I don't have any friends. Well, let me rephrase that. I don't have any close friends. Friends that share my interests. I have my friends at the barn, but I only see them once a week, at most. And my supposed best friend and I are drifting apart. I feel like I can't talk to her about anything deep. All she wants to talk about is boys and her hobbies. And we only ever talk on the phone. I never see her in person. I try to be patient and listen to what she says but somtimes I get really bored and make up excuses to get off the phone. Somtimes we even can't find anything to talk about. I can't talk to her about music or horses at all. When I try to, I can sense that she gets really bored. We have a boring, shallow relationship. That's it. I am a loner, but I hate being one.